I once was lost…I was 11 years old when I was first introduced to alcohol. I had just moved from BC to Ontario and left all my friends behind. I felt lonely and sad and wanted to make new friends really bad and this seemed like the way to do it. I was angry with my parents for moving me away from my friends, which seemed to inspire bad behavior. At first I thought that I’d just give it a try not knowing that the door I had just opened wouldn’t be easily shut. I started to rely on alcohol to bring me fun and excitement and to help me fit in and get the attention that I was craving. Not knowing that the alcohol itself was feeding an insecurity inside me and opening a void within me.

By the time I was 17, I was pregnant with my son Jason and then I got married. Then at 19 I was pregnant with my daughter Christine. My marriage was not a very happy one, as we both seemed to solve our problems through either anger or alcohol. At the age of 21 I left, took my children and moved in with my parents. It was nice that they opened their home to me but I took advantage of their kindness and left a big part of the responsibility of my children to them so that I could go off and party with my friends. Once again alcohol controlled my life and helped me to make many wrong choices. I was also plagued by a fear of death. I felt such emptiness within me. The alcohol wasn’t numbing the pain anymore so I thought that I could fill it with love. I tried relationship after relationship but still I was empty.

By the time I was 27, I had been living with (what I thought at the time) was the man of my dreams for 2 years. He seemed to provide a home for me and my kids but I was hitting rock bottom emotionally. I had been sick a lot that year and suffered from depression. Why did I feel this way when I thought that my life was finally coming together? Life didn’t make sense to me. This was the lowest part of my life but God used it to reveal Himself to me.